When Frank Lampard Burned My House Down

Earlier today Facebook reminded me of a dream I had eight years ago: 

I had a very weird dream last night. Frank Lampard, while on a training run past my house, ripped up an electrical cable and threw it into one of my neighbour's gardens. The cable set fire to the lawn, and subsequently burnt down almost every house in my road, including mine.

 

I managed to get the dogs and cats out in time, but for some reason I kept thinking the only person who could call the fire brigade was my brother Jon. He was on the old practice course near the golf club, working on his swing.

 
The really weird thing about this dream is that Jon doesn't even like golf!

Thank You NHS

A year ago I was in hospital for my heart procedure. "We'll get you back in in three months time for your check-up" they said.

 

About seven weeks later everything was put on hold because of covid. The appointment was postponed until October and done over the phone. My regular blood test was postponed until the end of December. I normally have another one in February but that will probably have to wait.

 

Some are critical of the NHS because they've had to delay other treatments because of the pandemic. I'm not. I know my case is nothing compared to some, but I'll always be grateful for the treatment I've had since my first heart problems in 2015. We should be proud of what they've accomplished in the past year.

 

A year ago the nurse looking after me hugged me before I left the hospital. I wonder how many times she's wanted to do that with her patients since then but couldn't because of this damn virus.

 

Thank you NHS.

A Conversation About Joe Biden

Social media is one of the greatest tools of the modern world. It allows you to keep in touch with friends and family around the world, especially at the moment given that most of us are in lockdown in one form or another.

It also gives us a chance to be a bit nosey as we get to see other people’s conversations without actually taking part in them. Such was the case the other day when I saw a conversation started by a former acquaintance about the new President of the United States, Joe Biden.

My Wrestling Commentary Debut

Nearly 18 years ago this happened. Yours truly wanted to be a professional wrestling commentator, and I got the chance here.

The show cost £1,000 to film, which, given the production quality, was an overpayment of about £975. At the time I was deep into my black dog period and on a serious amount of anti-depressants, so I was probably zonked out of my skull at the time.

I was also probably the only person who worked on this show who never got paid. Even some of the lads who turned up and volunteered to help put up the ring just so they could get in and watch the show for free were given a few quid for their troubles.

The Rise of the Covidiot

It’s been nearly ten months since the country went into it’s first coronavirus lockdown. The memories of what I experienced personally on March 23rd, 2020 are still clear in the mind.

A hell of a lot has happened since that day, but there’s something that has risen, something that has come to prominence since that day that is really starting to annoy me more and more, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the covidiot.

Covidiots have become as prominent as the virus itself. You can’t go a day without seeing someone on your social media feed spouting some sort of nonsense about the pandemic, posting videos or images about how the whole thing is one big lie and how the lockdown is just another attempt by the governments of the world to control an increasingly agitated population.

When Phil Collins Was a Labrador

Here’s something for you dream interpretation peeps out there, although I doubt you’d be able to tell me what this means exactly.

The other night I dreamt that Pink Floyd legend David Gilmour had moved in next door, and being a fan I decided to pay him a visit. I found him sitting in a deck chair in the front garden, enjoying the sunshine with a Golden Labrador dog laying on the ground nearby.

It Wasn't Wrong to Mourn Bowie's Passing

Today, January 10th, 2021, marks the fifth anniversary of David Bowie’s passing. I’ve already written about the effect his life and death had on me and others in my Mix Tape post, but there was one aspect of what I saw around that time that always gets me thinking.

New Fiction Addition: The Valkyrie Chronicles - Return of the Blob

An Earth-bound adventure for Captain James Watt, commanding officer of the U.S.S. Valkyrie, as he meets up with his newest crew member and journeys to Alaska to find out why all contact with a tracking station has been lost.

Originally written in January 1995 and inspired by a classic 1950's creature feature, the short story "Return of the Blob" is now available to read online by clicking on the links below:

 

Chapter One

Chapter Two

New Fiction Addition: Anglo-Force - Future Tense

Space Ghost returns from the future for the first time to stop the killing of a prominent politician in the hope that it will stop Skynet and their Terminators taking over the world.

Yep, it's another blast from my past. Shamelessly ripping off an old X-Men story and throwing in a bunch of Terminators, Future Tense is the eighteenth story from my Anglo-Force archive and is now available to read online for the first time. Click on the links below to read the chapters. 

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

New Fiction Addition: Pegasus - The Beginning

Inspired by Babylon 5 and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and originally written in 1995, Pegasus was originally conceived as the first of two spin-offs from The Valkyrie Chronicles.

Set in a space station in orbit around a magical and mystical planet the idea was to combine characters from from the Star Trek-inspired Valkyrie series with those from myth and fantasy, but in the end the sole Pegasus short story became a set-up story for Civil War, the multi-crossover story which was the biggest thing I'd ever written, a story which was never finished.

Seeing as it was the only Pegasus story I wrote I've put it on The Valkyrie Chronicles page instead of giving it a page of it's own. You can read the entire short story by clicking on the links below.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Lockdown II Is Turning Out To Be The Disappointing Sequel

Is it just me or has Lockdown II become another one of those disappointing sequels?

Don't get me wrong, this is something we drastically needed. The coronavirus infection rates were rising, and it was obvious that we were in a second wave. But when Uncle Boris announced the second lockdown there just wasn't that same sense of urgency among the people of the United Kingdom. 

Back in March the country, for the most part, stuck to the rules and helped others out. We did everything, from helping people collect their prescriptions to getting their shopping and trying to make sure that those of us who were most in need got what they needed.

New Fiction Addition: The Valkyrie Chronicles: A Time Of Change

When Arthur Pendragon is promoted to captain and given command of the new Pegasus station in orbit around the Time of Legends Captain James Watt begins his search for a new first officer. Two high-profile candidates make their ambitions known, but will Watt promote from within or go elsewhere?

"A Time of Change", the 13th Valkyrie Chronicles story, is the beginning of a three-story cycle that saw a number of changes to the shared universe I had created, and ultimately it led to a massive story which....no, you'll just have to wait to find out what that story was. For now you can read the two chapters of this short story by clicking on the links below:

Chapter One

Chapter Two

New Fiction Addition: Anglo-Force: The Best of Both Worlds

As Captain James Watt and Red Sun finally tie the knot scientist Dr. Daniel Reid and wizard Dr. Phineas Magus discover that there are a multitude - or rather a multiverse - of possibilities they set off to explore what's on the other side of the portal. However, their discovery leads to some rather unsavoury characters making their own way from one London to another.

Originally written in 1994, Anglo-Force: The Best of Both Worlds, draws inspiration from the legendary DC Comics meetings between the Justice League and the Justice Society, and feature some characters of the characters I used way back when, before Anglo-Force was ever created, as well as borrowing a few from a few other sources.

You can read this short story in full by clicking on the links below:

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Who Do I Blame This Time?

So who do I blame this time around?

The government for not listening to the scientific advice?

The people who couldn't follow simple rules such as wearing a mask, social distancing and reading simple signs that tell them what side of the street to walk on and not to sit on benches?

Or should I just have a go at the overly-aggressive idiots who constantly post on social media about how we should just say f*** it, ignore the rules because coronavirus isn't that deadly? There's some absolute classics I could share with you, but the last time I did I ended up getting a message from one of their relatives that began with the charming phrase "oi dickhead!"

I began the week feeling pissed off and I'm ending it feeling just the same. I went for an interview today for a job that probably ceased to exist just a few hours later, and I'm meant to have a telephone interview on Thursday, but seeing as how that was for work in a non-essential shop that job probably doesn't exist anymore either.

So let's bring out the hashtag I first used on March 23rd: #fuckcoronavirus

No Offence Sheringham

I've got a job interview at Roys in Wroxham on Saturday. As I haven't been there in years, and as I've never been there on public transport before, I tried to plan my route on Google Maps. It's completely screwy. Here's the plan they gave me:

Walk from my house in Suffield Park to Halsey House so I can get the bus to Sheringham.
Get off the bus at Sheringham and walk to the train station. Get the train from Sheringham to Wroxham.
Get off in Wroxham, walk to Roys.

I've decided not to take their advice. Instead I'll be walking to the train station, getting the train to Wroxham, and then walking to Roys, cutting out Sheringham completely and taking ten miles off my journey.

No offence Sheringham.

Rest In Peace Marina

A very sad day today. Marina, our youngest cat, passed away this morning. She was just two and a half years old.

The vet said it's possible that she had an undetected underlying health problem, and given that she was more or less the runt of the litter (she was the fifth of six kittens Tinker had, and the sixth one died after a couple of days) it's entirely possible.

Like our other animals she was always sweet and affectionate, and even though she was so young she was always a big part of our family.

Rest in peace baby girl.

New Fiction Addition: The Final Part of the New Age Story

So it turns out The New Age story didn't end when Anglo-Force defeated Darkmagus and his army. There was one strand left, one part of the story to tell, and that part happened nearly four hunded years later about the U.S.S. Valkyrie.

The final part, The Passing of the New Age, originally completed in December 1994, sees Captain Watt and his crew encounter a sleeper ship from the year 2000 that is surrounded in mystery, and you can read the chapters by clicking on the links below:

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Oh, and if you're wondering why there's an image of former England cricketer Geoff Boycott here, read the story!

The Two Sheds Review Facebook Group Is Back!

The Two Sheds Review Facebook Group is back! (Although it's actually been back since May!) Join the ever-expanding number to find out when new stuff is posted! It'll save you having to visit the blog once every five minutes!

You can also hype your own Facebook group if you want!

To join the group visit https://www.facebook.com/groups/twoshedsreview/

Anglo-Force: The New Age - Full Story Now Online!

Those of you who follow me on social media may have seen that I've been adding a few old chapters to the blog in recent times. The New Age was by far the biggest Anglo-Force story I'd written at the time,coming in at over 25 chapters. Hopefully you've already read the prequel, set during World War II, and there will also be a sequel of sorts, set during the time of The Valkyrie Chronicles.

All of the chapters been posted, and you can read them by clicking on the links below. More links will be added when the chapters go online. Enjoy!

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven 
Chapter Eight 
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven   
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen  
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen 
Chapter Sixteen  
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two  
Chapter Twenty-Three 
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five  
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine 

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One 

This Really Wouldn't Have Worked

Back in the deep, dark days of the lockdown when countless ideas were going through my head about what I could do to pass the time I considered jumping on a bandwagon that’s been getting a lot of mileage in recent times.

If you look on Youtube these days you’ll see countless videos of young people “discovering” songs. These peeps are often quite young, probably born after the year 2000, and they film themselves listening and reacting to classic rock songs. The first one I saw featured a young girl listening to Deep Purple’s “Child In Time”, and most recently a video of two young lads listening to Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight” went viral on social media.