What Were You Doing When You Were 19?

Can I ask you, what were you were doing when you were 19 years old?

Me? I was washing dishes in a local hotel, enjoying free beer in the hotel bar while getting occasionally drunk, and spending a great deal of my wages on tapes and compact discs in my local branch of Woolworths.

I wasn’t standing in the middle of 60,000 people in a stadium or a television audience of 31 million, about to take a penalty that could send the nation into a rapturous celebration or a deep depression.

They'll Still Watch EastEnders

One of the things that covid anti-vaxxers seem to go on about a great deal is their distrust for mainstream media. Since the pandemic began they’ve constantly told us that companies such as the BBC, ITV and Sky have been lying to use about everything, and that their news and current affairs programmes are all a part of some big worldwide conspiracy to control us.

They tell us that we should boycott them, that we shouldn’t watch their news output, but when they tell us this they seem to forget something.

The Cricket Was Great, But There Was Something Missing

I was watching the World Test Championship final between New Zealand and India a couple of weeks ago (congratulations to New Zealand on their big win by the way). The standard of cricket on display was very high, as was expected from the best two teams in the world, but despite all of this there was something gnawing away at the back of my mind. There was something that didn’t seem right with the game, and I’m not talking about the days that were lost to the glorious British summer weather.

Should've Gone To Iceland

I was in a local supermarket today (not the one I work in) when I overheard a member of staff telling a customer how they were always "short staffed" and how they desperately needed new people.

 

I felt like asking her "if that's the case then why does your head office continually reject my applications, even though I have current supermarket experience?" (I applied for one of their constantly-advertised vacancies just a few days ago.)

 

Instead I just calmly walked past and got some of the tasty triple chocolate ice cream that Morrisons doesn't stock.

We're 21!

 

21 years ago this month The Two Sheds Review appeared for the first time. Why not show a little love by sharing this blog and liking it on social media. There's a lot more to this blog than professional wrestling and mixed martial arts you know!

 

The Two Sheds Mix Tape 51: Tribute to Jim Steinman

The music world is in mourning again with the passing of one of the greatest songwriters of all time, the great Jim Steinman.

Steinman will, without a doubt, be best remembered for his collaborations with Meat Loaf, beginning with their 1977 classic Bat Out of Hell. It really is one of the greatest albums of all time, and it wasn’t surprising that it stayed in the charts for so many years.

Twenty Years (and Two Days Ago) This Happened

So 20 years (and 2 days) ago this happened, my first ever live show review. To be completely honest I'm surprised that the powers-that-be haven't been all over social media with their usual boasts, biggest show in Britain at the time, 2,000 fans, you know the sort of things.

But then again maybe the people who constantly go on about what they've achieved over the years are finally taking the advice they used to give me and have stopped living in the past.

Anyway, enjoy this old review, a piece that sent me on a journey filled with good times and bad, full of promises that were never kept and debts that were never repaid.

If you want to watch the show it's available online somewhere. I'm not going to tell you where it is. After all, they never tell people where my site is!

http://twoshedsreview.blogspot.com/2019/01/re-post-waw-fightmare-april-2001-live.html

Clothes Maketh The Man

There’s an old saying - clothes maketh the man - and that’s certainly true if you’re a key worker using public transport at the moment.

I recently started work for Morrisons again. This time around I’m working as a picker, picking out online orders for home deliveries. I’ve mainly starting at 5am, although I’m doing 4am starts now, often finishing some time between 9am and 11am, depending on when I start. So as you can imagine I’m quite tired when I finish my shift, and even though I only live about a mile or so from the store I get the bus home.

New Fiction Addition: Anglo-Force - Refuge On Ikotia

With public and political opinion beginning to turn against them, Anglo-Force may have found somewhere they can take refuge if need be, the Caribbean island of Ikotia.

Originally written in 1995 and shamelessly ripped-off from an X-Men cartoon, "Refuge on Ikotia" was the 19th Anglo-Force story. Click on the links below to read the chapters.

 

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

This May Be My Last Post Here

This may be my last post here.

 

Tomorrow morning at 11.10am I will be injected with the covid vaccine, and from that moment on Bill Gates will be able to control every aspect of my life, thanks to the microchips that are in the chemicals.

 

I have no idea how Mr. Gates will use me exactly, but I hope I will play a major part in his grand design for the planet Earth and the human race.

 

So hail and farewell to everyone, and if I don't turn up for work next week tell my boss that they can probably contact Mr. Gates through the Microsoft head office.

 

#youwillbeassimilated

Monty vs Johnny Rotten

Monty is now 0-2 in staring contests. Having previously lost to my Jar Jar Binks mug a few years ago he's now lost to the visage of punk legend John Lydon.

 

This screenshot came from the music player on my tablet a few nights ago. Monty sat on the bed staring at the screeen for about twenty seconds before turning away and curling up on his woolly blanket. Seems he couldn't handle Mr. Rotten looking at him anymore.

New Fiction Addition: The Journeys of Magus

As the planet Gallifrey tries to forge links with the United Federation of Planets a young Time Lord named Drathro expresses a desire to travel with the Doctor. But when the Doctor refuses his request he suggests that Drathro travels with another doctor, a certain immortal wizard by the name of Phineas Magus.

Orignally written in 1995 and intended as a second spin-off from The Valkyrie Chronicles, The Journeys of Magus sees the wizard putting together a crew, including the legendary engineer Montgomery Scott and former Enterprise crew member Sonya Gomez, as they take on an old starship so Drathro can learn the ways of the universe before becoming Gallifrey's first ambassador to the Federation.

It was also the end of an era in a way as it was the last story I wrote on battered old typewriters before I got a brand spanking new Casio electronic typewriter!

(Oh, in case you're wondering why David Tennant's is pictured here when the story was written nine years before he played the Doctor you'll have to read the story!)

You can read this short story by clicking on the links below:

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

When Frank Lampard Burned My House Down

Earlier today Facebook reminded me of a dream I had eight years ago: 

I had a very weird dream last night. Frank Lampard, while on a training run past my house, ripped up an electrical cable and threw it into one of my neighbour's gardens. The cable set fire to the lawn, and subsequently burnt down almost every house in my road, including mine.

 

I managed to get the dogs and cats out in time, but for some reason I kept thinking the only person who could call the fire brigade was my brother Jon. He was on the old practice course near the golf club, working on his swing.

 
The really weird thing about this dream is that Jon doesn't even like golf!

Thank You NHS

A year ago I was in hospital for my heart procedure. "We'll get you back in in three months time for your check-up" they said.

 

About seven weeks later everything was put on hold because of covid. The appointment was postponed until October and done over the phone. My regular blood test was postponed until the end of December. I normally have another one in February but that will probably have to wait.

 

Some are critical of the NHS because they've had to delay other treatments because of the pandemic. I'm not. I know my case is nothing compared to some, but I'll always be grateful for the treatment I've had since my first heart problems in 2015. We should be proud of what they've accomplished in the past year.

 

A year ago the nurse looking after me hugged me before I left the hospital. I wonder how many times she's wanted to do that with her patients since then but couldn't because of this damn virus.

 

Thank you NHS.

A Conversation About Joe Biden

Social media is one of the greatest tools of the modern world. It allows you to keep in touch with friends and family around the world, especially at the moment given that most of us are in lockdown in one form or another.

It also gives us a chance to be a bit nosey as we get to see other people’s conversations without actually taking part in them. Such was the case the other day when I saw a conversation started by a former acquaintance about the new President of the United States, Joe Biden.

My Wrestling Commentary Debut

Nearly 18 years ago this happened. Yours truly wanted to be a professional wrestling commentator, and I got the chance here.

The show cost £1,000 to film, which, given the production quality, was an overpayment of about £975. At the time I was deep into my black dog period and on a serious amount of anti-depressants, so I was probably zonked out of my skull at the time.

I was also probably the only person who worked on this show who never got paid. Even some of the lads who turned up and volunteered to help put up the ring just so they could get in and watch the show for free were given a few quid for their troubles.

The Rise of the Covidiot

It’s been nearly ten months since the country went into it’s first coronavirus lockdown. The memories of what I experienced personally on March 23rd, 2020 are still clear in the mind.

A hell of a lot has happened since that day, but there’s something that has risen, something that has come to prominence since that day that is really starting to annoy me more and more, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the covidiot.

Covidiots have become as prominent as the virus itself. You can’t go a day without seeing someone on your social media feed spouting some sort of nonsense about the pandemic, posting videos or images about how the whole thing is one big lie and how the lockdown is just another attempt by the governments of the world to control an increasingly agitated population.

When Phil Collins Was a Labrador

Here’s something for you dream interpretation peeps out there, although I doubt you’d be able to tell me what this means exactly.

The other night I dreamt that Pink Floyd legend David Gilmour had moved in next door, and being a fan I decided to pay him a visit. I found him sitting in a deck chair in the front garden, enjoying the sunshine with a Golden Labrador dog laying on the ground nearby.

It Wasn't Wrong to Mourn Bowie's Passing

Today, January 10th, 2021, marks the fifth anniversary of David Bowie’s passing. I’ve already written about the effect his life and death had on me and others in my Mix Tape post, but there was one aspect of what I saw around that time that always gets me thinking.

New Fiction Addition: The Valkyrie Chronicles - Return of the Blob

An Earth-bound adventure for Captain James Watt, commanding officer of the U.S.S. Valkyrie, as he meets up with his newest crew member and journeys to Alaska to find out why all contact with a tracking station has been lost.

Originally written in January 1995 and inspired by a classic 1950's creature feature, the short story "Return of the Blob" is now available to read online by clicking on the links below:

 

Chapter One

Chapter Two