WCW/Dead Parrot Sketch

Today, I have a world exclusive for you. Given the current state of WCW, I managed to get a transcript of a meeting between an executive from Time Warner, and an executive from Fusient Media. For their own safety, I will not be naming them. In the transcript, the Time Warner man will be known as TWM, and the Fusient Media man will be known as FMM. Here's the transcript.

FMM; Hello, I wish to register a complaint...Hello? Miss?
TWM; What do you mean, miss?
FMM; Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
TWM; Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
FMM; Never mind that, my lad, I wish to complain about this wrestling promotion which I purchased not three months ago from this very multi-national corporation.
TWM; Oh yes, World Championship Wrestling. What's wrong with it?
FMM; I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
TWM; No, no, it's on hiatus! Look!
FMM; On hiatus?
TWM; Yeah, remarkable promotion, WCW, great talent base!
FMM; The talent don't enter into it - it's stone dead.
TWM; No, no - it's just on hiatus.
FMM; All right then, if it's on hiatus, I'll try and get it on TV! (Picks up remote control and searches TNT and TBS for WCW programming.) Hello WCW! I've got some ageing WWF wrestler for you!
TWM; (Grabbing remote) There, on Turner South!
FMM: That's WCW classics!
TWM; No it isn't!
FMM; Yes it is! There's Sting in his prime!
TWM; No, no, it's Sting from last year!
FMM; Look, my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That wrestling promotion is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not three months ago you assured me that it's lack of ratings was due to the wrestlers being tired and shagged out after a long television taping.
TWM; It's probably pining for the nWo.
FMM; Pining for the nWo? What kind of talk is that? Look, why didn't the ratings pick up as soon as Raw moved to TNN?
TWM; WCW always does prefer lagging behind. Great talent though.
FMM; Look, I took the liberty of examining that promotion, and I discovered that the only reason that it had been going for so long was because it was part of a much larger multi-national corporation.
TWM; Well of course it was. Otherwise it would have been brought by Vince McMahon!
FMM: Look matey, Vince McMahon wouldn't be interested in WCW. It's bleeding demised.
TWM; It's not. It's pining.
FMM; It's not pining, it's passed on. This promotion is no more. It has ceased to be. It's lost it's contract and gone into TV oblivion.This is a late wrestling promotion. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace.If you hadn't been ploughing millions into it, it would be pushing up the daisies! It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is a ex-wrestling promotion.
TWM; Well, I'd better replace it then.
FMM; If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain till you're blue in the mouth.
TWM; Sorry guv, we're right out of wrestling promotions.
FMM; I see. I see. I get the picture.
TWM; I've got the XFL.
FMM; Does it have high ratings?
TWM; Not really, no.
FMM; Well, it's scarcely a replacement, then is it?

#With thanks to Monty Python's Flying Circus "Just The Words Volume 1", published by Mandarin