RE-POST: From Writer to Commentator (2003)

This past Saturday, instead of reporting on the latest World Association of Wrestling show in Lowestoft, I put down my pen and pad of paper, and for the second time, picked up the microphone, to commentate on the show for the video, which should be released sometime in the near future.

The journey from wrestling writer to wrestling commentator has been quite an interesting journey for yours truly. When I first began to write about this great industry nearly five years ago, actually talking about it was the furthest thing from my mind.

I've never been an extrovert. I've always been naturally shy, which at times made it very difficult for me to meet new people, which is probably why I'd never considered a career as a talker, as it were.

Those of you who have read my wrestling ramblings for a while now will know that this aspect of my life had a kind of stuttering start some two years ago. The second wrestling show I attended, Fightmare, at the Norwich Sport Village in April, 2001, was filmed, with the intention of getting the show onto television. One of the things I remember that night was that the commentary was recorded live that night, with Sweet Saraya, Robbie Brookside, and Drew MacDonald, among others, taking turns at the announce position.

A few weeks after the show I received a call from Martin Marshall, the man in charge of the Norwich-based NRG Films, the company who filmed Fightmare. The commentary, for reasons that were never explained, was not what was wanted, so Martin asked me if I was interested in re-recording the commentary, the plan being that I share the announcing duties with Saraya.

Due to time constraints, I wasn't able to record any commentary. At the time, I felt very disappointed, but also, at the time, my full-time job was my first priority. I simply couldn't jump when I was asked to.

So when the idea for filming the Valentine's Day Massacre show first came up at the beginning of the year, I put my name forward as announcer. At first, I was really up for it. I thought that this would be my chance to be more than I am, be more than just a wrestling writer.

But as the days and weeks went on, the nerves began to come into play. I kept thinking to myself "What if I mess up? What if I make a complete pig's ear of this?"

I must give full credit to my co-commentator and friend the Sweet Saraya. In the run-up to the show, she did her best to calm my nerves. Indeed, she even threatened me with physical violence in an attempt to instil some confidence into me.

The big day came on Friday, February 14th. As seems to be the tradition before the big Norwich shows, the WAW gang began to gather at Casa-De-Knight in the heart of Norwich. I seem to recall that in the couple of hours I was at the house, I was kind of quiet. In a quiet moment in her kitchen, Saraya asked me if I was nervous. I raised my right hand, and it was shaking so hard Saraya was almost blown over by the breeze. She grabbed my hand, smiled, and told me that I'd be okay.

We soon made our way to The Talk, and as the rest of the crew set things up, I wandered around the place, trying to psych myself up. I considered actually pulling out of the gig there and then, but I knew that if I did, a lot of people would have been very disappointed, and I knew I couldn't let WAW, and more importantly, my friends down.

And so at 7.45 pm, I sat down next to Saraya, almost two years after we were originally meant to commentate together, nervous as hell. It was a good thing that Saraya made the opening announcement that night, because I didn't have a clue what to say at first!

As the show went on, I found it easier to say things, to make astute comments about what was happening in and outside of the ring. I lost count of the times that I began to argue with Saraya as she made one point, and I disagreed with her.

When the night was over, I was mentally and physically exhausted. As the WAW crew and staff of The Talk cleared up, the only thing I could do was sit and watch what was happening. The only thing going through my mind was that I had done it. I had gotten through the evening, and hopeful that I hadn't made too many mistakes.

Once again, I must give credit to Saraya. If I had been commentating with anyone else, I would have probably have done a runner halfway through. As far as this sort of thing goes, Saraya is a natural. She got me through the night, and at the end of it all, reassured me that I'd done well, and that, for a first effort, I wasn't that bad.

It was a few days later when Saraya called me and told me that the commentary on the video was fine. She told me that listening to the commentary on the video was like listening to an extended argument between two old friends. Just goes to show that life does imitate art then.

When I first watched the video, I was in two minds as to what to do. Should I shield my eyes, or cover my ears? I've always been one of those people who has had trouble looking at photos of themselves. Lord knows how I'd react to hearing myself on television.

My first reaction - I wasn't too bad, although I didn't realise that my Norfolk accent was that strong. As the tape went on, I realised that Saraya had been right. The commentary sounded just like an extended argument between two friends.

The one thing I really missed that night was not writing the report. Hey, I'm a talented kind of guy, but not even J-Rad can do two jobs at once!!!! As much as a hungry man needs to eat, a writer needs to write, and the fact that I didn't have a show review to post on the WAW website the following day left me at a loose end a little.

Fast forward now a couple of months. I had a phone call from Lowestoft's own Steve Quintain, with the first details of his latest charity show. Steve told me that the show was being filmed by a group of local students for a project they were doing. They needed an announcer, and I was the man to ask.

The original plan was to have just one man doing the job - me. I told Steve that it would be best to have two people doing the job, so they could play off each other. Steve agreed.

So I got in touch with my co-commentator from Valentine's Day, Saraya, to discuss the job. Saraya told me that she wouldn't be able to commentate on the show, because she was booked to wrestle that night against Kharisma, and she didn't want to do a double-shift that night.

As the weeks went on, I kept wondering who was going to be my co-worker that night. During my regular meetings with the powers-that-be, we talked about who would make a good co-commentator. A few names were thrown about, but nothing was set in stone.

A candidate presented himself at the Who Dares Wins show in April. The Sexy Monkey, Robin Knightwing, when he heard that the Lowestoft show was being filmed, told me that he wouldn't mind trying his hand at commentary. I thought that this was a good idea. Robin is one of the most gifted microphone workers I've seen. Many have said that in the ring, his promos have a Jerry Lawler-like quality about them. He seemed like the perfect choice, but seeing as how he was continuing his rivalry with Hot Stuff on the Lowestoft show, I began to think that perhaps Robin wouldn't be able to
double up that night.

About ten days before the show, inspiration hit me. I knew someone who could have done it. Someone who knew their wrestling, who was used to having a microphone in their hands. Power Slam writer Greg "The Truth" Lambert had earned something of a reputation as a heel manager for the FWA. I knew Greg quite well. I wrote for his website.

So once again I contacted the WAW hierarchy, and put forward my idea. They liked it. The only thing to do now was to contact Greg.

Disaster! Although Greg was flattered that we considered him for such a role, he couldn't make it on the night in question. Damn! Two Sheds and The Truth would have been an awesome combination.

So with plans A and B having gone out of the window, I began to think that the commentary for this video would be quite boring. After all, you can't have a two hour argument with yourself. I know I'm quite good at impersonating some people, but I couldn't pull this off for that amount of time.

A chance telephone conversation with Robin, asking him if he still had a CD I'd given him, revealed that he was still interested in doing commentary. As his match was first that night, it seemed to be the perfect plan.

Another telephone call to the powers-that-be. Turns out they'd had the same idea as me! So the Two
Sheds-Knightwing dream team would be making their debut in the Suffolk coastal town of Lowestoft, although they'd have to do it from the second match onwards, because the boss, the Rowdy Man, Ricky Knight, would be taking Robin's match for the first night.

This time around, as I made my way to Lowestoft, I didn't feel nervous at all. In fact the thing I was worried about the most was my voice. A few days before the show I had been suffering from flu, and had lost my voice just four days before. I panicked a little, but thankfully, two days later, my voice, albeit scratchy, returned.

Five minutes before the first match began, I sat down at the commentary table, having been instructed as to how to operate the recording equipment, with Ricky by my side. Sitting next to the boss doing this sort of thing kind of felt like sitting in class and having your teacher watch everything you do. But it went well. Ricky spent his time at the table slagging off referee Charlie Frary, and, of course, Hot Stuff. Of course, Charlie was wrong when he disqualified the Sexy Monkey for his constant rule-breaking. Ricky complained about the standards of the officials in WAW. After I reminded him that he was the boss, he promised to do something about it when he got back to the office the following Monday.

And so the Monkey, still smarting at his defeat, replaced Ricky at the table and set about his task. It was as if he'd been doing this for years, he was just so natural. We argued with each other, he made some outrageous comments, and seemed to get a little confused when I called Saraya "the Queen of the Harpies". While Robin pleaded the case of the villians that evening, yours truly was firmly on the side of the good guys.

Although I've yet to see the video, I get the feeling that this time my nerves won't be apparent. I more or less knew what I was doing, and what my role was. While commentating with Saraya, I didn't know if I was meant to be good guy or bad guy. With Robin, it was obvious which side he was going to root for.

So how would I rate my performance during these two commentary stints. To be honest, it wouldn't feel right me rating my own performance. I'll leave that up for someone else to decide, although it's obvious that like everything else in life, some people will like what I did, and others will hate it. But does it matter to me what people will think of my performance? Like all good writers, I welcome all forms of feedback, and I am more than willing to take on board any constructive criticism aimed in my direction.

You're probably asking yourself how I would rate my co-commentators, aren't you? It would be unfair to rate Ricky, because I've only worked one match with him. I would love to commentate with him again. The Rowdy Man is one of the best talkers in the business, and I would consider it an honour to work alongside him again.

Saraya is another natural talker. With the amount of media work behind her she has, it was obvious that she'd be able to get me through my first stint. She's done it before, of course, and I truly believe that once she hangs up her wrestling boots, long may that day be in coming, she's a shoe-in for a career in the media. She's that talented.

Robin Knightwing has that natural charisma. It's obvious that he's picked up a lot from his time here in Britain. While Ricky intimidates the fans, Robin laughs at them, cracks jokes, makes fun at them. While commentating he was making fun of the fans who will eventually watch the video, instead of the people in the arena. I'd love to commentate with him again, but I get the feeling that my commentary would be broken up by constant bouts of laughter.

Of course, I'd still love to commentate alongside Greg Lambert. Not only is the guy a heel manager for the FWA, but he also has experience of working in radio, having had a short stint on the TalkSport wrestling show. I enjoyed Greg's work on TalkSport, and have heard nothing but good reports of his work for the FWA. Greg has shown an interest in coming to a WAW show in the future, so who knows. Maybe this will happen one day. The Truth, telling it like it is!

Would I commentate again? Of course I would. I may miss writing the reviews of the shows, I'm proud of what I've done. I may not have been good at it, but at least I got up off my backside and did something.