For F***'s Sake! Not Jimmy F***ing Osmond!

My sleep patterns are kind of screwed at the moment, even more so due to the current state of things, so it’s not unusual for me to spend some of my time channel surfing through the various music channels in the late hours. One such session saw me coming across the Now 70’s music channel, and a countdown show look at “Silly Songs” from that particular decade.

I’d missed the first three songs and began my viewing at number 22, a number which saw The Wurzels singing about their combine harvester. Boy did this take me back, and I freely admit that I really enjoyed hearing this somewhat daft song again. I began to think that this countdown had some promise.

So thinking that I’d see the likes of Jasper Carrot singing about his moped and the Goodies showing me how to dance like a monkey I considered settling down for the evening. Sadly what came after the Wurzels changed my plans in an instant.

I couldn’t find the remote quickly enough when none other than the Brotherhood of Man appeared on my screen as I remembered days of Eurovision past. They did that catchy little dance as they asked me to save my kisses for them. There are so many ways I could describe how much I detest this song.

I quickly turned over, desperate to get away from the sickly-sweet saccharin that had confronted me, hoping to find something else to pass the time by before I headed off to bed.

My channel surfing journey soon took me back to the Now 70’s channel, hoping that Billy Connolly would be singing about how great it was to be a Brownie, but it was even worse than before, because on the screen in front of me was Little Jimmy Osmond. Jimmy F***ing Osmond!

There he was, in all his Mormon glory, singing that bloody song about Liverpool and sunshine babies from Los Angeles, at a time in his life when he probably had no idea what his sexual organs were actually for.

Needless to say I didn’t stay on the channel for long, before if there’s anything worse than the Brotherhood of Man’s awful Eurovision effort then it’s Jimmy Osmond’s attempt pre-pubescent attempt to win over a girl through the medium of song.

I mean for f***’s sake. Not Jimmy f***ing Osmond!