Sunday, 28 February 1999

Eddie Roberts

The following is an article, basically a piss-take, of one Eddie Roberts, a sales rep who, once a month, visits the garden centre where I work. To cut a long story short, Eddie is basically a sexist bigot, and possibly one of the most annoying men I have ever met. The following elevates Eddie to biblical proportions, likening him to Jesus, although the only similarity he has to Jesus is that they are/were both men. Those who don't know me, or Eddie, probably won't have the faintest idea what I am talking about. Those who do, well.....read on and enjoy.

EDWARD 3:16


    And Edward did drive into the Garden Centre car park, seeking business with the Keeper, the Great Smeda. He bestowed upon the Smeda the sacred pre-season specials, giving good will and joy to all of the Smeda's loyal servants.

    Then, he spoke, quoting from the sacred texts. His words uplifted all who listened. He then bestowed upon the Smeda the sacred Sales Catalogue for the year of our lord 1998-99.

He then sought solace, in the lavatory of the Divine Luigi, expressing himself as only he can. He then departed, in his Chariot of Silver, not knowing what terrible fate awaited him.